First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Randomize
