either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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