How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
