i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
