I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
