dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
