My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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