i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
