my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
