he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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