Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
