I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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