Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
