My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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