dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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