He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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