i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
