standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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