i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
