i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
