i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
