I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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