my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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