the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
