your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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