I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
