hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
