Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
