So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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