So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize