Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
