No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
