I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
