We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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