considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
