But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
