she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Sober January is a disaster.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
