You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
