that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
