We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
