Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Damn victory sex feels great
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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