Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
