I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
