Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
