do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
