Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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