if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
