Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
