last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
