my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
