remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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