Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
