Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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