smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
