lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
