i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
