I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
