It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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