my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
