i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
