god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize