She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize