I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
