I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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