You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
