Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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