So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
