In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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