i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
