I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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