I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
