Only a mothe r could love this liver
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
