you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
