im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
