What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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