Got a toothbrush?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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