Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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