This is not my ceiling
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
