were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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