I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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