Already got asked if we're dating
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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