My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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