1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
