Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
